A young Jamaican father-to-be awakened the village Doctor in the middle of the night saying "Doctor! Doctor! Come fast now! Is ma wife man! Her water is broken man! She is about born a child man!"
The Doctor came over and told the father "Hold the lamp higher! Hold the lamp higher now!" The father-to-be, obliged, and behold, a baby's cry was soon heard.
The father cried out: "Praise the Lord! A boy! I is the proud father of A baby boy man!" The Doctor again told the father, "Hold the lamp higher! Hold the lamp higher now man!"
The father again complied, and to be sure, another cry was heard. The father excitedly proclaimed: "Is twins!! I got twins! I is doubly blessed! Glory be to God!" The Doctor instructed, "Hold the lamp higher! Hold the lamp higher now!" Sure enough, a third cry was heard!
The father, somewhat subdued, in a nervous tone, muttered, "Oh. Thank Ja Jesus." The Doctor repeated, "Hold the lamp higher!. Hold the lamp higher now man!", in a short while yet a 4th cry was heard. The father said nothing, being lost in deep thought.
*Pastor John
Pastor John was caught by his church members in a bar, drinking a bottle of chilled Star Beer.
Member: Haabaa! Pastor John you should be drinking malt, fanta or coke not star, You're not doing what you preach!
Pastor John: shatttap!!!, where was malt, fanta and coke when STAR led the three wise-men to Jesus.
The Doctor for the fifth time commanded "Hold the lamp higher man! Hold the lamp higher now!" The father then asked "Doctor, me think we off the light now man. You think maybe its the light is that attracting them."
Pastor John was caught by his church members in a bar, drinking a bottle of chilled Star Beer.
Member: Haabaa! Pastor John you should be drinking malt, fanta or coke not star, You're not doing what you preach!
Pastor John: shatttap!!!, where was malt, fanta and coke when STAR led the three wise-men to Jesus.
A man suffered a serious heart attack and had bypass surgery. He awakened to find himself in the care of nuns at a Catholic hospital. As he was recovering, a nun asked how he was going to pay the bill.
He replied, in a raspy voice, "No health insurance."
The nun asked if he had money in the bank.
He replied, "No money in the bank."
The nun asked, "Do you have a relative who could help you?"
He said, "Just a spinster sister, who is a nun."
The nun, slightly perturbed, said, "Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God."
The patient replied, "Then send the bill to my brother-in-law."
*Very Bad News
Omondi, goes into a doctor's office. The doctor, a Mr Golongo says,
"Oh, Mr. Omondi! We have the results of your test. Do you want the bad news first or the very bad news?"
Omondi, shrugs and says, "Well I guess I'll have the bad news first."
"Well the bad news is, you have 24 hours to live," the doctor replies.
Omondi is distraught, "24 hours to live? That's horrible! What could be worse than that? What's the VERY bad news?"
Dr Golongo then folds his hands and sighs, "The very bad news is...I've been trying to contact you since yesterday..."
Source: akpos.com
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