Conflicts are part of life and therefore part of all marriages. It is therefore impossible to have a marriage without problems. Each day has its own ‘wahala.’ The moment you think your marriage is perfect and therefore you do not have problems, chances are your marriage is dead and you do not know it. A couple of weeks ago, a marriage counsellor said on TV that conflicts always destroy marriages. Wrong.
Fact is conflicts themselves are neutral agents; they are neither good nor bad. It is how you respond to conflicts that determines the health of your marriage. If you handle your conflicts well, your marriage grows in health; if you don’t, you put your marriage at risk.
Some negative ways of handling conflicts Revenge. Partners pattern their behaviour after their spouses and hit back whatever harm their spouses commit. For example, today cheating is high in Ghana and many spouses have become victims because they see their spouses do it.
Many women openly boast that they cheat because their men do it. One woman said at counselling that ‘If you stop I will stop. It is you do me, I do you.’
Studies show that if a woman suspects her husband in nine out of 10 cases, she is right because a woman has the intuition to read her man easily. If you are cheating, chances are your woman knows it but has decided to ignore it to bring peace and stability in her marriage.
Unfortunately, if a woman cheats a man can’t tell easily. This makes it easy for a woman to cheat, especially if her emotional needs are not met
Sex as a weapon. Some women use the denial of sex to punish, reject and frustrate their men. They withhold sex to get even or make unrealistic demands; ‘get me cloth, mobile phone or money or no sex for you’.
Some think they are being magnanimous when they fake orgasm and prevent their men from prolonging intercourse.
Do you sleep in khaki trousers? Some women, to ensure their men do not rape them or ‘sneak in’ while they are asleep, sleep in khaki trousers. Some even wear khaki shorts on top to ensure that no amount of ‘sesame’ can open the ‘cave.’
First, a woman, even outside the bed, is advised to wear panties made from soft and breathable fabric like cotton. In bed it is advisable for a woman not to wear any pant at all.
Wearing khaki trousers is harmful because the heat from the fabric creates a moist environment which causes bacterial growth which can destroy the vagina’s protective barrier and make it vulnerable to infections, irritations and damage to the delicate tissues of the genitalia.
In your attempt to ‘show’ your man, you become the loser.
Again in 1 Col 7:4 we read, ‘the wife does not have authority and control over her body but the husband… ‘this means your body, including your genitalia, belongs to your husband. You keep it in trust for him.
If you refuse to give him his rightful property on request, you may be a ‘stealer’ and a custodian who can’t be trusted!
Fact is sex is far more important to a man than to a woman. Apart from the pleasure, it fulfills his manhood and self-esteem. If you deny your man, except in serious cases like acute illness, in his mind you are saying he is not worth your husband.
Any form of deprivation, even with good intentions, is therefore potentially destructive to your marriage. It is unrewarding and unnecessary. You must therefore never use ‘not in the mood, tiredness and fasting’ as excuse.
A husband must also know that a woman grows her sex through the love and affection shown to her. You must earn the status as a husband.
If you abuse your woman and show no love or affection, you lose your title and have no right to sexual demands.
The sexual act is the deepest form of communication and many men with ‘p.o.p’ mouths use it to say ‘I love you or I am sorry.’
You must therefore be ever ready for your man and make the act mutually fulfilling.
No khaki trousers in bed.
The writer is the Director of Eudoo Counselling Centre, West Legon. He is also the author of ‘Your Guide to Marriage, Love Unlimited and The Journey of Love’
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