Women are natural givers. We think that to give is to be nurturing and feminine. We think that if we give to a man, we’ll make him happy.
And it would seem to make sense that the more we give, the more we get. But it doesn’t work this way when we inadvertently give so much that we stop giving to ourselves.
When this happens, our giving can actually have the unintentional effect of making us less attractive in a man’s eyes. It doesn’t make him happy, and it doesn’t make us happy. Let me show you what that means.
• How working to make him happy can backfire: Every relationship has to have a healthy balance of give and take. But, sometimes in an effort to show a man how much we care and how much we want him, we allow ourselves to give to him at the expense of our own needs.
For instance, we might go along with a plan even if we really don’t feel like it, neglect our desires in favour of his own, or focus so much on doing little things for him that we forget all the things we liked to do for ourselves before we met him. We might also “take care” of things for him in an attempt to appear easy-going or to impress him.
But when we do this, we actually prevent him from taking the initiative with us. And then something else happens – over time, we start to become resentful. We become cold towards him without even knowing it, and it creates distance in the relationship.
• Make yourself happy first: If you want to feel secure and loved and happy, here is the one rule for you: focus on making yourself happy every moment of your life. That’s because what makes a good man happy is to make us happy!
Moreover, they like the way it feels when you let them know you feel good. So, simply start expecting that the man you’re with will do his best to make you happy – without asking him to – and let him know when he does make you happy.
This seems like such a simple thing, and it is. But settling into a relationship sometimes makes people forget to express their appreciation for each other, when in fact they should express it more.
• Appreciation: Keeping you both happy: If a man does something for you that makes you smile, makes you more comfortable, or generally pleases you, be sure to tell him. And this includes just being with him.
If he wants to take you out but doesn’t have a lot of money, say, “It feels so good just to be with you. I don’t really care where we go.”
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