I stumbled on a news story where Mr. Chris Attoh who recently announced his separation or divorce from his wife made some statements concerning his failed marriage.
As a person who has studied the subject of relationship success, and how to build a happy and long-lasting marriage, I feel compelled to reply. Before I continue to ramble, in case you haven’t read the statement accredited to him. Here is it:
“A woman who does not submit to the husband and trust his instinct is not going to be successful in marriage. I think that we have forgotten the fundamentals of marriage. When you love someone, it’s important to be able to forgive, respect and submit. As a woman, you need to trust the captain of the ship. It’s truly important if you want peace in your home.”
“If you are a Christian, it is your bible that will take you through your wedding days. Everything happens for a reason. I have a beautiful baby boy, a wealth of experience and a lot of work to do.”
Before we ask a woman to submit. We must ask for the origin of that suggestion. Obviously, it’s from the bible and he has rightly hinted that when he said: “If you are a Christian…” When the woman was asked to submit in that verse of scripture, we conveniently forget to recall that the man was asked to love and die for her. Yes, that’s the complete Bible.
I am not privy to the hidden secrets of their marriage but Mr. Chris’s statement may reek of entitlement mentality. A prevailing philosophy by many men in my generation. “When a woman is submissive to a man, that marriage will be successful”.
This is a fallacy that needs to stop. It is not the 9 – 5 job of a woman to make her marriage work while the man treats it like a side hustle. The success of ANY marriage is a full-time job for both the man and the woman. It takes a man that is ready to die for her and a woman that is ready to submit to such a die-hard man.
When you make mistakes as a man and your woman is finding it hard to forgive you. It’s not because she forgot the need to be submissive. It’s because, just like you made a mistake, she hasn’t learned to master her emotions and let go of the hurt you caused her. She probably wouldn’t be in that shape had it not been your mistake. This goes both ways.
I have constantly poised in my teachings that anybody can be married but not anyone can build a Happy and Longlasting marriage. With all due respect sir, this is basically what that ‘submit’ verse was talking about – ‘If you are not ready to die for her, you are not eligible for a marriage that is Happy and Longlasting.’
I have never met Miss Damilola Adegbite and I am certain that she has her flaws just like you. She may even be the one with ‘bigger troubles’. However, if I will respond in the same manner you made that statement, here is what I would say, “when a woman believes a man can literally die for her, she would hold on to him forever. Submission will never be a problem”
A great mind said, “When people feel loved, it is easier for them to listen.” and I couldn’t agree more.
To every man out there who is shying away from taking responsibility for the success or failure of their relationship or marriage, you need to answer these questions:
Have you loved her enough?
Does she feel like she’s the most important person to you?
Have you lived in such a way that she can vouch for you?
Have you been 100% committed to her and her success?
Do you often ask her to make more sacrifices than you have shown willingness to make?
Can you die for her?
Until all your answers to these questions are in the affirmative, you have no right to demand submission. If she gives you, great, she’s a developed woman and if she doesn’t, understand that she’s just in the same phase you are in – ignorant!
Source: olatunjilegend.com
Disclaimer: Opinions expressed here are those of the writers and do not reflect those of Peacefmonline.com. Peacefmonline.com accepts no responsibility legal or otherwise for their accuracy of content. Please report any inappropriate content to us, and we will evaluate it as a matter of priority. |
every one can write on relationship from their own personal perspective. that is yours
When you take literal meanings of the Bible to make an arguement. Jesus is the only one who died for another. Who the Hell in their right Frame of mind would die for another person. Ei....Be willing to die for your other half. I guess when you make that ultimate sacrifice the other half will be indebted to you ........like we are to Jesus
I totally agree with Don Biko and Richard to the max. Both the man and woman must make it a point of duty to love and submit to each other. It is not conditional with regards to the writer's opinion. What the writer said is not biblical, it is just like give and take which is wrong.
i second u paaa,, this piece is shitty lol
I agree with Don Biko and his submissions are apt. We all have a duty to play our parts in sustaining our marriage relationships. If your wife isn’t being submissive, just go on loving her as you are commanded to do. Similarly, if your husband isn’t being loving or ready to die for you, just go on showing submission as your duty. Wives should go the extra mile to be loving and husbands should be submissive too. That is selfless and a plus to your relationship. We must be careful and weary of some gender based teachings clothed in biblical teachings and postulated by so called counselors and relationship experts. The Word of God is basic and provides all the answers we need. Seek and you shall find because the veil is open.
fake love
U hv said it all.. that ***barred word*** guy called Chris attoh is just confused
I believe the sustainability of any marriage depends much on the woman, her submissive plays an important role here and it shouldn't be on a condition.
***barred word*** piece
I partially disagree with the writer on her views within the context of a wife submitting bibilically to her husband. The writer seems to suggest that submission by a woman to her husband should be a reward rather than a duty. This is very dangerous teaching and a misinterpretation of what The Holy Bible teaches ! The Bible did teach that husbands should love their wives just as Christ loved the Church. Again, there is no pre-condition here. That means that both admonitions should be seen as duties rather doling them out as rewards for " good behavior". Christ did not love the Church because the Church did something for Him. Despite the failings of the church Christ loves the church unconditionally! In the same regard wives are required as a duty, to submit to their husbands.If we interpret submission to husbands and loving our wives the way the writer portrays there will always be frictions in relationships and marriages! Who should go first: the husband should show love in order to deserve submission by his wife or the wife should show submission in order to deserve love from the husband? We cannot play chicken-and-egg with God's own institution. His word is clear on this matter.